We haven’t done lists in awhile, and we thought that with the upcoming holiday this might be entertaining:
The challenge: On a scale of 0-10 (0 being not at all and 10 being horribly), how creepy do you find the following items? Feel free to explain your answer.
The show Ghosthunters
Pubes on the toilet seat of a public restroom
Random people touching you
A hairless man (yes, I mean completely hairless)
Seeing your parents naked
Seeing your parents naked together
Masked man with a chainsaw
Masked man with a chainsaw in your closet
Clown with a chainsaw in your closet
Gay man in your closet
Cobwebs – 4 – Don’t mind them as long as I am not walking in to them. Or god forbid one gets in my mouth.
Spiders – 10 – Can’t even watch them on TV or I have nightmares.
The show Ghosthunters – 6 – The fact that the guys doing the hunting are overaged frat boys adds some comic relief to the whole thing.
Moths – 3 – Again don’t mind them unless they potentially may get caught in my hair.
Pubes on the toilet seat of a public restroom – 10 – I never know what to do. Use your shoe to wipe it away? Use toilet paper and risk touching it? Or blowing at it and risk it flying on to your pants or in your face.
Clowns – 10! 10! 10! – Need I say more?
Haunted hayrides – 8 for about 30 secs until I realized how stupid it is, then a 3.
Tightey whiteys – Now this depends if we are talking about the Dolce and Gabana model in them a big fat 0, I would go in to negatives if that showed hom un-creepy it is. On the other hand if we are talking, let’s say a real life version of Peter Griffin in tightey whiteys I would say 10 all the way.
Centipedes – 0 – I am saying that just to spite you K!!
Windowless van – I am assuming you are talking about a 1986 two toned brown van with cream pinestripes tinted front windows and parked near a playground. I am giving it a solid 10.
Random people touching you – Are they hot?
Wasps – 3 as long as they stay away from my soda.
A hairless man (yes, I mean completely hairless) – 10 – That would make me feel like a pedophile.
Crotchless underwear – Never tried them, so who am I to judge?
Crotchless girdles – 0 – What could possibly be creepy about that?
Seeing your parents naked – 10
Seeing your parents naked together – 10,000,000,000
Junebugs – 0
Masked man with a chainsaw – 9
Masked man with a chainsaw in your closet – 10
Clown with a chainsaw in your closet – Of the charts, even worse than seeing my parents naked together.
Gay man in your closet – Now why would that be creepy? He is probably cleaning and organizing it.
Grasshoppers – 2
Molestorstaches – Depends on the age and degree of hipsterness.
Spiders–10. Especially the one that was living in my mattress!!
The show Ghosthunters-0. I have to see it to believe it.
Moths-0. They are just colorless butterflies in my world.
Pubes on the toilet seat of a public restroom-10. Oh god. Oh god.
Clowns-10. They come to visit me in my dreams.
Tightey whiteys-20. Wrong, oh so wrong.
Centipedes–2. The more legs the better.
Windowless van-0. Are you implying that my ride of choice is creepy?
Random people touching you–5. Depends where. Ladies?
Wasps-0. The people who freak out when they see them are creepy.
A hairless man (yes, I mean completely hairless)-5. Gross! Although you lessen the risk of finding man pubes in random places around your house, like on the counter.
Crotchless underwear–10. Just take them off for cryin out loud. Seems like they could be an infection waiting to happen.
Crotchless girdles–0. Got them and am thankful for that hole.
Seeing your parents naked–0. Not a problem.
Seeing your parents naked together-0. Is cool.
Junebugs-9. I had a horrific experience once as a child.
Masked man with a chainsaw-10
Masked man with a chainsaw in your closet-20.
Clown with a chainsaw in your closet-40. Yup, probably the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.
Gay man in your closet—10! And I don’t mean 10, I mean negative 10. I would love to have a gay man in my closet to go out and share chocolate martinis with!
Grasshoppers-2. They are okay as long as they keep their distance from me.
Molestorstaches–3. Sometimes the look works.
The show Ghosthunters 0 – not at all creepy, however extremely awesome. Would totally bang that guy too…
Moths 6, more gross than anything…
Pubes on the toilet seat of a public restroom 9.9, especially in the chicks room. Wtf? A. why are they long enough for me to see and B. why are they falling out??? Alopecia of the crotch?
Clowns 1. I like watching others think they’re creepy
Haunted hayrides 8.8 – I hate things popping out of the dark and don’t like being scared.
Tightey whiteys 4. More amusing than anything, but I have concern for those wearing them b/c they seriously think they’re sexy. Case in point: Good – http://cdn.faniq.com/images/blog/9d894c771905024651b3e2de9f182d7c.jpg Not good: http://alisyngreenroom.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/1.jpg
Centipedes 13. Sick.
Windowless van 5 I drove one for a while (as did you) and we’re not THAT creepy…
Random people touching you TBD – Hot or Not?
Wasps 6, more scary than creepy
A hairless man (yes, I mean completely hairless) 5 Not gonna bang him but preferred to TOO hairy man.
Crotchless underwear 6. Why wear’em? You obviously plan to bang.
Crotchless girdles Those exist? Wtf…no comment.
Seeing your parents naked 10. Mental image is bad enough.
Seeing your parents naked together See above.
Junebugs 0. What the fuck is a Junebug? I thought it was just a nickname black people use…
Masked man with a chainsaw 5. Unless he’s running after you…then 16
Masked man with a chainsaw in your closet 12
Clown with a chainsaw in your closet 2
Gay man in your closet 0 Every gay man is in the closet at some point, so he happens to come out of mine… 7 if I banged him first unknowingly
Molestorstaches Depends on the context – 3.7
Cobwebs – 7. i hate being surprised by these when you’re innocently walking somewhere at night.
Spiders – 10, and it multiplies exponentially the closer they get to me. crawling on me is off the charts. eeek.
The show Ghosthunters – 8. i have made the mistake of watching this when i’m home alone. fortunately, the host is hot as hell and i probably would feel nice and safe (and not creepy) if he could hold me in those beefy arms of his. mmm.
Moths 6. these are really only creepy when they’re trapped in your house and keep bumping into the window trying to get out. or when their creepy little feet land on you.
Pubes on the toilet seat of a public restroom 9.8. how did it get there?? did you not notice when you flushed that you had lost something? are there more that fell on the floor and are now stuck to my shoe??
Clowns 7 from a distance, 12 if they come anywhere near me.
Haunted hayrides – in retrospect, these aren’t really “creepy”. however, the 19 year old dudes who get wasted, go on these, and proceed to hit on 14 year old girls are definitely creepy. i’ll give them a solid 9.
Tightey whiteys – if there’s streak marks, 8. colored tighteys are ok, as are clean whiteys. this also depends on the person wearing them. molestorstache + windowless van + clean whiteys = still creepy.
Centipedes 9.5. i shudder just thinking about them. sooooo many legs…
Windowless van 0. i think scooby doo & shaggy had a windowless van, and they weren’t creepy.
Random people touching you 17. i don’t care if you’re hot, get your germ covered hands away from me.
Wasps 4. similar to moths, these are mostly creepy when they’re stuck in your house. like the one in my house now (which was the original inspiration for this list) that thinks he would be happier outside in the rain.
A hairless man (yes, I mean completely hairless) 10.
Crotchless underwear 8.5. mostly because the lack of crotch means lack of a barrier between your vag and your pants/skirt/chair. sick.
Crotchless girdles 8.5, as the likelihood that you’ll accidentally pee on them is extremely high.
Seeing your parents naked 70
Seeing your parents naked together 102
Junebugs 7 when flying, 19 when you wake up with one crawling on your face.
Masked man with a chainsaw 3. he’s probably just wearing protective gear while he chops wood for the romantic fire he’s going to be making me later.
Masked man with a chainsaw in your closet 6. he’s still making me that fire, right?
Clown with a chainsaw in your closet 30. although i can’t really decide on this one, because i think i’d be more mystified than creeped out. how did i not notice a clown in my house? and how the hell did he fit that chainsaw into my closet? is that a trick chainsaw?
Gay man in your closet 0. please tell me what to wear.
Grasshoppers 5. sticky legs = creepy.
Molestorstaches 7, unless it’s on a baseball player. then its awesome.
L to A, E, K: Here is a picture of the date I went on last night. I think he is “the one”. He brought me to the arboretum.
E: so i realized that the dualing nuts are underneath a rainbow.
are they gay?
L: she totally is the girl that won’t say penis or dick
K: i don’t think i’ve ever heard her use the word sex, or several people I know for that matter…
L: she’ll call it a wee-wee or something
L: unlike us who find the word sex to mundane
so we need to call it jamboning
K: i think by using childish terminology she finds sleeping with everyone less slutty
i just own it
i realized this weekend that banging might by kinda harsh/crass
L: I like it
K: me too
L: it’s more of a literal term
K: its my euphemism of choice
I used to like “porking”
but that has a bad visual
L: eh…makes me feel fat
I am also enjoyed “bumping uglies”
K: ooh yes
L: not sure why, again bad visual
K: a good one
this sounds like a list opportunity
L: ohhh…good call
Thus we present you…
- Jamboning (of course!)
- Playing the skin flute
- Knockin da boots!
- Ride the Baloney Pony
- And of course F*ck. Can we swear on this thing??
5 least favorite:
- Opening the meat curtains
- Horizontal Mambo
- Doing it
- Hot Beef Injection
- Jambone – Classic
- Bang – Easy to say and remember, even when inebriated.
- Bump Uglies – Doesn’t give the best visual, but me likes none the less.
- Screw – Also useful when you find a screw on the ground and then you can ask “Wanna Screw?” Never get old.
- Throwing a hot dog down a hallway – As long as it’s not in reference to me, it’s hilarious.
- Intercourse – Are we taking pictures for a textbook?
- Raw Dogging – Nasty
- Watch a movie – Generally only used to try and get someone to have sex, but we all know what it really means.
- Make Love – Unless you are in a committed relationship, it’s just downright creepy to say it. And even still, it makes any dude sounds like a total asshat.
- Horizontal Mambo – Just plain ole no.
So i thought this would be hard, hence limiting to 5, but once i got started i couldn’t stop… ::don’t stop til you get enough:: Enjoy.
10 Favorites (in no particular order):
- Banging – classic. to the point. not too crass, not too prude.
- Getting stuffed – (this term is generally used by males, which leads me to think one of two things about said users: 1. they are hung, 2. they have a severely distorted reality. Regardless, the fact the someone would use this allows you to immediately cast judgment on their character – hence my liking.)
- Fornication. – This is the closest I’ll ever get to religion…
- Doing the nasty. – kind of a throwback to the 80’s in my mind
- Hanky Panky/Getting your jollies. – I like the whimsy that is implied.
- Parking the beef bus in tuna town. – I’m sorry, this is funny. And if you don’t think so, go fuck yourself.
- Slap skins – very literal. I like the realistic expectation.
- Beat cheeks – I can appreciate the ASSonance.
- Get it on/ass knockin’/sexual healing – Good songs, good euphemisms
10 Least Favorites (again in no particular order):
- “Sleepover Parties” or “playing doctor” – putting sex in juvenile terms hardly negates that having lots of ‘parties’ makes you no longer a prude. (not that I’m judging on that account; an old lady on Leno once said “if you’re gonna be a whore, be a whore” which I’ve bestowed as my life’s motto.
- Porking – Bad visual. Makes me want breakfast.
- Rawdogging – All implications are just a little too dirty and a little too negative.
- Blasting – Are we going to the moon and playing with super soakers? Because I thought we were just gonna have sex…
- “Throwing a hot dog down a hallway” ’nuff said.
- The Humpty Dance/Nookie/Wild thing – great songs, bad euphemisms
- Horizontal Mambo – cliche. And setting the bar a little too high…
- Poking – you can thank facebook for ruining this one
- Beating – really?
- Doing the deed – is this a chore or something?? wtf?
Due to tough economic times, Hermiscus the town wizard found that wizardry was just not paying the bills anymore. In order to put food on his table and magic powder in his pocket, he was forced to take a second job as a farmer. It was either that or a waiter at the local “Bullets and Burgers” restaurant/shooting range. He decided that working with the land was the way to go. Although we probably should question his wizarding skills if he can’t even make money or food appear out of thin air. HMMMM?
L to K, E:
Dude they’re not supposed to be good!! You have officially stifled my creativity. E, here is your moose/unicorn or moosicorn as I like to call him.