L: she totally is the girl that won’t say penis or dick
K: i don’t think i’ve ever heard her use the word sex, or several people I know for that matter…
L: she’ll call it a wee-wee or something
L: unlike us who find the word sex to mundane
so we need to call it jamboning
K: i think by using childish terminology she finds sleeping with everyone less slutty
i just own it
i realized this weekend that banging might by kinda harsh/crass
L: I like it
K: me too
L: it’s more of a literal term
K: its my euphemism of choice
I used to like “porking”
but that has a bad visual
L: eh…makes me feel fat
I am also enjoyed “bumping uglies”
K: ooh yes
L: not sure why, again bad visual
K: a good one
this sounds like a list opportunity
L: ohhh…good call
Thus we present you…
- Jamboning (of course!)
- Playing the skin flute
- Knockin da boots!
- Ride the Baloney Pony
- And of course F*ck. Can we swear on this thing??
5 least favorite:
- Opening the meat curtains
- Horizontal Mambo
- Doing it
- Hot Beef Injection
- Jambone – Classic
- Bang – Easy to say and remember, even when inebriated.
- Bump Uglies – Doesn’t give the best visual, but me likes none the less.
- Screw – Also useful when you find a screw on the ground and then you can ask “Wanna Screw?” Never get old.
- Throwing a hot dog down a hallway – As long as it’s not in reference to me, it’s hilarious.
- Intercourse – Are we taking pictures for a textbook?
- Raw Dogging – Nasty
- Watch a movie – Generally only used to try and get someone to have sex, but we all know what it really means.
- Make Love – Unless you are in a committed relationship, it’s just downright creepy to say it. And even still, it makes any dude sounds like a total asshat.
- Horizontal Mambo – Just plain ole no.
So i thought this would be hard, hence limiting to 5, but once i got started i couldn’t stop… ::don’t stop til you get enough:: Enjoy.
10 Favorites (in no particular order):
- Banging – classic. to the point. not too crass, not too prude.
- Getting stuffed – (this term is generally used by males, which leads me to think one of two things about said users: 1. they are hung, 2. they have a severely distorted reality. Regardless, the fact the someone would use this allows you to immediately cast judgment on their character – hence my liking.)
- Fornication. – This is the closest I’ll ever get to religion…
- Doing the nasty. – kind of a throwback to the 80’s in my mind
- Hanky Panky/Getting your jollies. – I like the whimsy that is implied.
- Parking the beef bus in tuna town. – I’m sorry, this is funny. And if you don’t think so, go fuck yourself.
- Slap skins – very literal. I like the realistic expectation.
- Beat cheeks – I can appreciate the ASSonance.
- Get it on/ass knockin’/sexual healing – Good songs, good euphemisms
10 Least Favorites (again in no particular order):
- “Sleepover Parties” or “playing doctor” – putting sex in juvenile terms hardly negates that having lots of ‘parties’ makes you no longer a prude. (not that I’m judging on that account; an old lady on Leno once said “if you’re gonna be a whore, be a whore” which I’ve bestowed as my life’s motto.
- Porking – Bad visual. Makes me want breakfast.
- Rawdogging – All implications are just a little too dirty and a little too negative.
- Blasting – Are we going to the moon and playing with super soakers? Because I thought we were just gonna have sex…
- “Throwing a hot dog down a hallway” ’nuff said.
- The Humpty Dance/Nookie/Wild thing – great songs, bad euphemisms
- Horizontal Mambo – cliche. And setting the bar a little too high…
- Poking – you can thank facebook for ruining this one
- Beating – really?
- Doing the deed – is this a chore or something?? wtf?
Do you take requests? I would like to see something featuring a banana in pajamas (B1 or B2, I have no preference) and a monkey on a unicycle, who may or may not be playing a tambourine.
Well yes, in fact, we do!
A: Here’s the monkey! He has a distraught look on his face because not only is he riding his unicycle over broken glass, but soon he will have to face jumping through the ring of fire. While playing his tambourine.
L: Have you ever wondered where those tiny little bananas come from at the grocery store? I think I may have figured it out. You can thank me later.
A: That is awesome!!!! I bet they don’t need lube! But I have one question, if they are bananas, does the man-ana have a little banana?
So this is Billy Bob the Flamingo. He does indeed have ADD, but he has got that all under control with his 54-72 milligrams of Ritalin he takes everyday. We are not sure if he actually gets it from a doctor, but hey whatever works. Since he has got that shiz under control, he hangs out by his trailor all day long, drinking Miller Genuine Draft from a helmet that he rigged into his beer helmet. He is very proud of that helmet. You see, he made that when he was in the eye of the ADD tornado. Now he would never have the energy to make something of that degree again since the Ritalin makes him want to hang out all day long, like life should be. He also does not have the energy to water his grass.
I drew something for you in my free time. Its a Minotaur, but he’s been put to sleep by the magical flute of a forest gnome. Typical event in a magical, Greek-mythology inspired forest, my friend.
Help us end the epic “Battle of the ADD Flamingos”! Check out the post below and then cast your vote!
K to E, L, A: List for today: If you had 100,000 grand today, and you’re debts were wiped clean, what would you spend it on…?
E: I would use it to send K to grammar school so that she can learn the proper uses/forms of “your/you’re” and “their, they’re”.
K: f*ck off. I would send you to k-9 training academy w/o armor so dogs could rips your limbs off.
or should i say you’re limbs off…
E: one of these days you should start using the default “freebie” and just say that you never learned grammar because you were an underprivileged youth and you went to an inner city school.
K: First tier suburb, thank you. (side note: shouldn’t you be answering a phone or something right now…?)
L: Girls…Girls…The only way so settle this is a gold old fashioned MS Paint draw off.
Inspiration…The past times of a ADD ridden flamingo.
*the following is a side conversation that occurred shortly after the draw off challenge was issued:
L: I see you have been hard at work this morning
Someone needs to serve hot dogs and burgers and this lunch lady is up for the job!
A to E: Oh and by the way, here are the legs that I picked off.
L: Found another spider.
E: He only has 6 legs!!
L: All of A’s spiders do. She said she picked the rest off.
L: The funny part about this is that I drew a moosicorn, yet the 6 legged spider seems strange.
E: Yeah, but I asked for the moosicorn. He’s a mythical creature. The 6 legged spider is just… wrong.
L: I see your point.